A couple seen on a beach. | EFE

1

For scribblers such as myself, I really don’t know where we would be before ‘Surveys’ were invented. Broadcasters are the same, when they run out of anything original to say they can always go online and find out what the latest daft survey has to say for itself and bingo - they have a feature and I have a column. Surveys are usually paid for by a company wishing to sell you cosmetics, or beer, maybe even holidays. The trick is that they will approach a university and wave lots of money at them; the seat of learning will then ask lots of impertinent questions of a very small sample of consumers and before you know it you have something to giggle about when driving your kids to school or enrage you as you read your daily newspaper. Everyone’s a winner! The company gets itself some free publicity, or at the very least a name check and the University acquires some extra money to undertake some proper research into something rather more important than - “How many people wear pyjamas in bed nowadays?”

In outlining the above, I have now given myself a pretty good alibi for commenting on a recent survey, that for once, I found very interesting. Mostly I like women very much indeed, however on occasions they appall me. In a recent survey undertaken by a university I will not name - and funded by a supermarket chain I refuse to mention, it appears that women, far from being the soft romantic souls they always claim to be, are as ruthless as a gangster with a grudge. Indeed, when it comes to sex women are totally mercenary; it appears that - “Women generally do not find men attractive at all.” And (please look away now) freely admit that the reason they why they may sleep with a man could range from ensuring that their chap puts the bins out, to relieving boredom. Oh very nice I must say.

What we have here is the complete reversal of the sexual roles allocated to both sexes since time immemorial; man as the proud predator, women as grateful vessels of our love and attention. To put it bluntly, we have been misled for millennia by our own macho moronity. Indeed, if you really think about it, it has been men who have written all the best love songs, the most moving poetry and let’s face it, most of the most passionate and truthful literature about physical and temporal love have been written by blokes - and it now seems that women just want to give-you-one so that you’ll put the bins out.

Finally, do you know that this survey says that some women out there actually deliberately get hooked up with unattractive men with low testosterone levels because they are easier to control, less troublesome in the bedroom and are unlikely to stray too far from home. Does this scenario sound familiar to any of you chaps out there? Oh my God, I’ve just had an appalling thought….It’s me isn’t it?